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So You Want To Marry An Active Duty Military Service Member?

This series will answer a few questions about what your getting into as well as what it may be like to be married to a female active duty service member.

Taurus James is a 20+ year Civilian Male Military Spouse. We asked him specific questions about what it is like to be married to an active duty military service member.

We hope this video shows you some of the realities of the military life and marriage.

What challenges have you faced together?

Life - The Stresses
Raising a child
Managing the household
Constant change
The Job - long and hard work
The challenges of maturing, going from youth to adulthood together.
Learning how to communicate.
Learning to be flexible.

What have you learned from the challenges in marriage?

Humility - how to truly serve my wife and my daughter
Patience - granting my wife the benefit and space to grow and change as she needs to BE who she is.
Laugh Often

What difficulties have you faced as a military spouse?

I'm not a top priority. The job is number one, then the kids, then maybe me.
Moving and leaving behind work, friends, lifestyle and having to start over. As an extreme introvert, this was VERY difficult early on because there was an emotional impact that I was ignoring and didn't know how to communicate without feeling like I sounded weak.

What kind of support has helped you most?


Community support from my church, active and former military couples have helped me the most.
One-on-one time with other male spouses helps along with mutual time together with friends in relationships like us.

Did you receive pre-marital training r wish you would have?

Yes, we received pre-marital sounseling and we recommend to anyone getting married. We also ge "check-ups" vis marriage retreats.

What specific character traits have helped you succeed in marriage?

Humor, Loyalty, Integrity, Humility, Strength, Patience, Reliability/Dependability, Generosity, Security in who your are, Dedicated/Devoted

What do you wish someone would have told you about military life before you got married?

You are not weak or worthless or less than.
What to expect from military life.
Let go of anger, don't hold on to it.
It's okay to be upset, but no grudges.
Counseling is GOOD! Go often! It's free!
Get married because you want to be with and grow with a person.
If you can think up a reason not to be together, don't get married.

What do you know now that you wish you had known before marriage?

Military marriage is physically, mentally and emotionally stressful. You have to be disciplined to keep taking steps o the journey.

What adjustments have you had to make?

I have had to change my life to support my wife in her career.

Thank you for watching.

We hope this video has answered some of your questions and maybe even prompted some new ones to discuss.


Taurus M. James Male Military SpouseTaurus James is the 2016 Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year from Wright Patterson Air Force Base.  Taurus is a 20-year civilian male military spouse and stay-at-home-dad. He is also a minister and composer of Moody instruMental Music. Taurus is a professional IT Consultant and Web Developer, and he built and maintains the website for free. Find out more about Taurus through his blog:

"Faithwalk Music: Faith, Music and Life of a Moody instruMental Musician"

Topics: civilian husband military wife Listen Laugh Taurus James healthy military marriage

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