Elizabeth Cabibi, MSLMFT
Collaborative Family Counseling
When we begin our relationships, we pay close attention to them. We focus on the positive aspects of the other person. This helps us build a strong foundation for our relationship. We fall in love. We vow to treat that person better than any other person. We make commitments and we begin our lives together.
It's life that becomes complicated. We get jobs. We have financial responsibilities. Children. We move. We have many deployments. The details of marriage become very real. Often, it seems overnight. We begin to focus on:
- things that are not getting done.
- Whose responsibility it is to do what.
- Who is not pulling their weight.
- What is the quality of our relationship.
The criticisms might begin, or the nagging and often, someone is left feeling unappreciated.
It is easy to get lost in the stress of everyday. And it is easy to forget to recognize the very person that you love. But you can get this back.
One of the ways to start this is called mutual appreciation. This goes beyond the regular complimenting of, "You look nice today." These are genuinely stated and appropriately placed statements that show your significant other that you are paying attention to what they are doing to support your relationship and family, and that you are thinking about them in a positive and affectionate way.
These statements, it is very important that they are not said with any type of sarcasm. So, "Hey, Thanks for taking out the garbage." - isn't really a compliment or appreciation.
They have to not have a "but" or "however" attached to them. For instance, "Thank you for taking out the garbage, but you didn't replace the bag." It needs to be just about the thing you appreciate.
These are things that you want to recognize that they do every single day. These are the things that are important to you and you need to let your spouse know:
- the garbage being taken out,
- the food remembered at the grocery store,
- helping the kids with the homework, making dinner,
- doing the dishes,
- mowing the lawn
These are the everyday things we take for granted in our relationships. So, be specific.
"I appreciate that you take out the garbage every week and make sure it's on the curb for the garbage men to pick up. This way, I don't have to do it and it helps keep our house clean."
It's truly felt and the other person will feel it.
Do this throughout your week and different topics that you truly feel appreciative for. Do it today! Don't wait.
What do you appreciate about your significant other?
- Don't get "Lost"
- Remember to recognize you significant other
- Find your love
- Find your mutual appreciation
- Go beyond the norm
- Pay attention to your family
- No Sarcasm
- No Buts!
- Be Sincere
- Be Specific
- Be Truthful
- Do this often
- Do this today!
For more questions on this subject visit the Collaborative Family Counseling website. If you are in need of more in-depth marital/family counseling, contact Elizabeth Cabibi, MSLMFT at (808) 685-2425.
"Quick Hitters" are short, to the point, videos that address a singular topic and/or question. Elizabeth Cabibi, owner of Collaborative Family Counseling, donates her time and knowledge through Skype and is available to all spouses via the same technology.
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