I am an Army husband and I have been having a great deal of issues dealing with my wife's deployment. She left back in December right before Christmas and she will be back sometime in the fall. This time apart has been very difficult as the communication we are having is very limited for many reasons. My wife has found a new life over there and has been sucked in by the Army life and other events that are available for her, to the point that I feel like I am no longer a priority or part of her life. Sometimes I feel that she feels obligated to call me because I ask her to. I am alone in this town, without any kids or family, and the few friends we have either PCS or left the Army.
I have been looking for support groups or events organized by the Armed Forces but it is a bit frustrating when I attend the events for families/spouses as they are all targeted towards wives/children and I have not been very welcomed in that type of environment or at least that is how I felt.
In regards to employment, I have been looking for employment since we were stationed here in CO and it has been impossible. I have been rejected by so many companies for one reason or another that it is affecting me and my marriage to the point of "divorce talk"
One of the patterns I have noticed is that, although people claim to "love the military" and "thank our service members" they are not very inclined to hire a military spouse. The perception about military spouses is, first they are a woman, with children and no professional background I think. The companies that look at my resume are impressed as I hold an MBA, I have over 17 years of experience in Supply Chain Management, Healthcare, leadership and technology, but once they find out I am a military husband they lose interest and hang up the phone. Companies do not want to take the "risk" of hiring a talented worker while their spouse is in the Armed Forces. I understand the investment and logistical effort needed to process the hiring of a new employee, but I also think that military spouses should have some type of consideration by employers. A military spouse will be with the company for as long as they are stationed in one place as, I believe, a military spouse understands how difficult it is to get a job in our circumstances. I have been rejected by many companies several times because I am "overqualified" for every job in COS. Not even Target will take me for a floor job.
I did not qualify for the Priority Placement Program for a technicality which, to me, is absurd. The orders my wife received were issued before our wedding, so I was not able to get any assistance from anyone at the US Army. I know this will not happen when the new PCS orders are released but there might not be a "next PCS" for me as this situation has had a terrible impact in our marriage.
I am not sure what is going to happen once my wife gets back from deployment in the fall, as we are going through a really bad period and things are not looking promising during future deployments and potential TDYs.
I forgot to mentioned, I am a Cancer survivor and that has had a big impact in my life both emotionally and mentally, and that has made it even more difficult by being alone here and not having great communication with my wife.
I just wanted to vent here… thank you for listening/reading
What's up fellas. Been dating my girlfriend for 7 months and she just graduated BMT. We met during her process of joining the air force so it was no suprise for me. We both know we want to be together and plan on a long life together. Crazy I know after only 7 months. But when you know you just know. Anyways ive been in forums on other sites and ive repeatedly been told to look for another gf. As the DoD says we only have a ten percent chance of staying together. How do I go about assuring a lasting relationship with the girl of my dreams who also happens to be in the air force?
Well, I'm new to the military game but I'm not at the same time. I come from a family with a pretty solid military background (both grandfathers and scattered uncles served) including my brother and sister both serving in the Air Force. I didn't join due to an athletic scholarship I received for football that I pissed down my leg. Recently married my wife after dating for a year. She's in the Army Reserve and is being deployed. Not too worried about my career as I recently started my own business in Fargo, which worked out since she got moved to that unit when they selected her from their sister unit in Sioux Falls. Not going to lie, the military life frustrates me on a lot of levels. I'm the type of person who when a plan is set that's the plan damn it, and I'm just starting to adjust myself to the reality (well that's what it feels like) that I should assume what I'm told will be longer or different than what I'm initially told. Which drives me crazy coming from the civilian world, where when you are told something that's what's going to happen generally speaking. I get wildly frustrated because it feels like I keep getting what I call "soft sold", or basically being told something to make it seem better/easier than it is. She even does it all the time, even when we argue about it with time gone, training time at other bases, ect. I've learned to not say anything about it anymore because I know my frustration certainly doesn't help her, but I know bottling it up turns me into a pressure cooker, especially when I'm starting a business at the same time this is happening doubling up the stress. I handle being told right away what's going to happen much better than told its this amount (I.E. months) rather than its this, now this, and now this with this. Drives me nuts. The other thing that is hard to swallow honestly is that she's still at pre mob (mobe? Mobilization) and already rumors are swirling about the women and men enough that the commander has said something to them. I trust her, but at the same time it's a difficult thing to swallow. I can definitely say I'm very excited to find this website after a month or so of feeling like I would just keep myself isolated the whole time. Just kinda feel that all the other spousal stuff is going to be almost strictly women and to be honest I would feel very uncomfortable in that setting and the last thing I feel I would do is to talk about my frustrations to a bunch of women (as cheovanistic as that sounds). It's even more difficult with just moving to an area where I don't know anybody and the only time off I have is either spent with my daughter (previous relationship) or doesn't start till 11pm limiting me to meeting new friends at a bar, which I'm not terribly keen on. Sorry for vomiting my concerns all at once. Thank you for putting this board together! It is very exciting to find a place for male spouses!
Hello, we have just been stationed here on Hawaii and let me tell you, it is beautiful here, however with a 6 year old and 2 year old the beauty can really be lost through all of the frustration and exhaustion.
First let me say that my name is Jasper Williams. Being a Military spouse is not new to me because I have been with my wife since before she enlisted almost 11 years ago, so I am used to it, however I have always been a working man and we have usually gotten daycare for the children so I was never home as much as I am now.
Since we got the orders I have had to leave my Job with the state of Texas, where I worked as a Child Protective Services investigator. I really enjoyed my job, not because the work was enjoyable, but because I was making a difference in children's lives.
I believe that my experience working with children has given me the patience needed to deal with my two boys but, I miss having male friends to interact with and watch the games sometimes. If there is anyone in my area please let me know...I am a fun big black guy who enjoys a good time.
We just found out that we are PCSing to Hickam next summer. I'm a SAHD as well. I'm looking forward to moving to Hawaii as I play a lot of Golf.
What instrument(s)? Are you currently playing anywhere? Got any music we can check out?
Name is Craig. My wife is a 1st Lt in the Marines. She is an Adj out in Okinawa. Glad to find this place and look forward to talking/learning/hanging out.
Anyone heading to DC for a PCS should know this. I just wanted to share and help anyone out there.
My wife got orders to the National Capital Region. I immediately started looking into colleges once we got the orders. I applied and got into University of Maryland. We ended up moving to Bethesda in Maryland. Going into the area blind I found that Bethesda looked to be a good safe neighborhood. (Which it is if anyone is looking for neighborhoods). But after a year in Bethesda, our small townhouse with zero outdoor space wasn't working out for my toddler and lab. So we decided to move south to Virginia. Cost of living is lower and we were able to rent a house with a yard.
Little did we know moving across the state line I lost my in-state tuition rate. I thought with my wife being active duty the spouse will receive in-state tuition no matter where we lived. If you read the fine print you will only receive in-state tuition rates if you reside in that state. The active duty member doesn't have to be stationed in that state. That was something I overlooked.
Luckily I am getting around this by a Maryland law. Maryland will give any honorably discharged veteran in-state tuition rates no matter what your state residency is so long as you are residing in the state. So I am renting a room and keeping that address as my permanent address.
I don't know if Virginia and DC have similar laws for veterans. This is an unusual problem that most military families wont run into unless you are stationed on the boarder of different states.
Hope this helps someone out there
Hello, My Fiance left to Lackland for Basic training today. And i have never had to go any long stretch of time without having communication available to us both. So i have no idea how to really keep in touch with her, and i was hoping someone with more experience could help? i have already wrote her a letter and i plan to write more everyday to her,( 1 letter a day) but i would love to hear any more methods that are tried and true. also, if anyone could better explain when me and my Fiance can finally get married, that will be greattly appreciated. thank you