25 Reasons Why an Infant is Like a Deployment

Thank you!







Like, Comment, Share

25 Reasons Why an Infant is Like a Deployment

image for 25 Reasons Why an Infant is Like a Deployment

Image: – – Macho Spouse

 

ChrisFields.jpgTom Cruise took a great deal of heat a number of months back for suggesting that wrapping his film Oblivion was like returning from Afghanistan. And oh, did the howling begin in earnest. And while I know that he was trying to suggest that filming an action epic was physically demanding and mentally taxing, you just knew he picked the wrong metaphor to characterize his challenges.

(This is NOT Tom Cruise)


But there are at least one or two Cruise movies that you've enjoyed over the years, so you let it slide just this once, because you know it will never happen again. I ask that same level of charity and indulgence here…

 


1) A day off? Heh, good one…


2) Your only contact with 'the world' is through the internet.


3) You spend a good part of your day cleaning up someone else's crap.


4) “Yeah I showered. Last Week.”


5) You don't get to see many of your friends for a year or more.


6) You probably don't speak the language of your 'antagonist'.


7) You will hear horrible noises in the middle of the night…ear-splitting, sanity draining noises.


8) At some point, you will ask yourself if this hell will ever end.


9) You will almost certainly never really get a good night's sleep.


10) You know damn well who's in charge, and it sure as hell ain't you.


11) IEDs: Infant Explosive Diarrhea.


12) There seems to be a whole lot of wildly unnecessary screaming, followed by an uneasy, heart-stopping period of shallow breathing and silent retreats…so you don't give your position away.


13) Hanging with your boy(s) could lead to friendly fire. Yellow, liquidy friendly fire.


14) Personal grooming includes congratulating yourself on using a Kleenex and not your shirt.


15) The use of advanced monitoring technology to determine the status of your 'target'. And when that thing lights up, it's like a shot of adrenaline.


16) You're in for a really crappy day (literally and figuratively) if you ever go outside the wire without all the right equipment.


17) Your day is divided into shifts, not day and night. And if you're on point during your shift, nobody cares if you're hallucinating from lack of sleep.


18) When you don't have the right 'equipment', the one who does often swoops in like a saving angel.


19) Your fantasy life devolves into daydreams of a current newspaper and a hot cup of coffee.


20) Sex? Yeah, I remember that.


21) Tax breaks on 'combat pay'.


22) You'll spend tireless, excruciating months trying to get someone to stand on their own.


23) Your new best friends are people you wouldn't give the time of day to a few months ago. (Such as Doc McStuffins and Bob the Builder. But those vaguely evil Teletubbies are still not allowed in my house.)


24) A good night of R&R is a lousy but uninterrupted movie.


25) As bad as it gets sometimes, you know that you might have to do this all over again…maybe two or three more times. And you couldn't be happier or more proud to do it.


(Of course, this was written (if you can call it that) in good fun, with all respect and admiration to our deployed servicemembers. War is hell; infants are not. And if this causes offense, I apologize…but plead not guilty by reason of infant induced delirium.)

About Chris:

Chris Field has been an Active Duty Army spouse for 8 years. He teaches University Philosophy wherever his wife's duty stations take him, and writes regularly for DC Military Family Life.  Having played college football, he knows that life can and will put you on your ass. Manhood begins when you pull yourself up and pick the turf out of your facemask.  He hasn't snarled “Get off my lawn!” at anyone in at least a week.


 


See also...

image for Macho Spouse Has A New Sponsor!

Macho Spouse Has A New Sponsor!

SDI_Logo_2.pngMacho Spouse is excited to announce our new partnership with the Sonoran Desert Institute (SDI) and their School of Firearms Technology (SFT). Throughout the year, SDI will provide Macho Spouse with content on Gunsmithing, firearms, and different educational opportunities. In fact, we will be introducing a new Macho Spouse Scholarship to their School of Firearms Technology in May!

Why did we chose SDI to be our first educational-based sponsor? Well, because they've demonstrated the ability to meet criteria for academic and consumer right standards from federal and state agencies as well as non-governmental agencies. These standards ensure quality education through sound financial operations, approved programs of study, qualified instructors, and approved recruitment and admissions policies. Click here to learn more about their accreditations.

SDI also has an interest in specifically helping military spouses find work through their programs of study. They participate in the G.I. Bill Program, the Montgomery G.I. Bill Program, REAP, and MyCAA.

These guys are the real deal and we're happy to have their support! Please take a minute to visit their site and learn more about what they have to offer. Who knows, maybe you can start on a new career in Gunsmithing this year!

image for Advice for the New

Advice for the New 'Mr. Mom'

Winegar_2.jpgFor guys, staying at home with the kids can be unchartered territory. I think every stay at home dad approaches his role differently, and he conducts a lot of discovery learning to figure out what works best for him and his family. For this reason, I comprised a list of key points to advise fathers who are stepping into the role of "Mr. Mom." Although every family is different, I have to imagine seasoned stay at home dads will find my list relevant and in the ballpark of what to expect. If someone had given me a list like this nine years ago, it would have been helpful. Feel free to share your experiences and add some points that I didn't include to this discussion:

 


 

Share on social media

Macho Spouse uses AddThis share buttons so you can easily share your favorite content from this site to your Facebook, Twitter, and more.
To share this on social media, click on the share icons. You will be prompted to connect your social media account if you have not already.
Thank you for sharing!

 

Comments