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BrendanBrendan

Well, I'm new to the military game but I'm not at the same time. I come from a family with a pretty solid military background (both grandfathers and scattered uncles served) including my brother and sister both serving in the Air Force. I didn't join due to an athletic scholarship I received for football that I pissed down my leg. Recently married my wife after dating for a year. She's in the Army Reserve and is being deployed. Not too worried about my career as I recently started my own business in Fargo, which worked out since she got moved to that unit when they selected her from their sister unit in Sioux Falls. Not going to lie, the military life frustrates me on a lot of levels. I'm the type of person who when a plan is set that's the plan damn it, and I'm just starting to adjust myself to the reality (well that's what it feels like) that I should assume what I'm told will be longer or different than what I'm initially told. Which drives me crazy coming from the civilian world, where when you are told something that's what's going to happen generally speaking. I get wildly frustrated because it feels like I keep getting what I call "soft sold", or basically being told something to make it seem better/easier than it is. She even does it all the time, even when we argue about it with time gone, training time at other bases, ect. I've learned to not say anything about it anymore because I know my frustration certainly doesn't help her, but I know bottling it up turns me into a pressure cooker, especially when I'm starting a business at the same time this is happening doubling up the stress. I handle being told right away what's going to happen much better than told its this amount (I.E. months) rather than its this, now this, and now this with this. Drives me nuts. The other thing that is hard to swallow honestly is that she's still at pre mob (mobe? Mobilization) and already rumors are swirling about the women and men enough that the commander has said something to them. I trust her, but at the same time it's a difficult thing to swallow. I can definitely say I'm very excited to find this website after a month or so of feeling like I would just keep myself isolated the whole time. Just kinda feel that all the other spousal stuff is going to be almost strictly women and to be honest I would feel very uncomfortable in that setting and the last thing I feel I would do is to talk about my frustrations to a bunch of women (as cheovanistic as that sounds). It's even more difficult with just moving to an area where I don't know anybody and the only time off I have is either spent with my daughter (previous relationship) or doesn't start till 11pm limiting me to meeting new friends at a bar, which I'm not terribly keen on. Sorry for vomiting my concerns all at once. Thank you for putting this board together! It is very exciting to find a place for male spouses!

Written 11 months and 29 days ago by Brendan | new member | 1 posts

Replies


TaurusTaurus

No apology needed, Brendan.

Are you isolated? You mentioned several things that point that direction. I workout my frustrations. I hit the gym. Running my own business would be impossible without that outlet.

As far as the other stuff goes, communicating with your wife is vital - without the arguing. I write out my stuff and my wife reads it aaway from me. This works for us. Allows me to get out what's really going on with me and gives my wife "processing time" she needs. If it's too hot, and we can't talk without arguing, she writes back and we communicate that way. Took some years to learn this, but glad we finally figured it out.

I think trust leans heavy on communication. Talk it out or write it out, just continue to work it out.

Feel free to vomit here anytime.

Written 10 months and 19 days ago by Taurus | senior member | 47 posts | website


 

 

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