Macho Spouse: machospouse - Civilian Male Military Spouse, Macho Spouse, Male Spouse, Dad, Father
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a new demographic...


Hi guys;

First, want to give thanks to all of you who've put the hard work into developing this site and this community. I think it serves a critical role for a whole host of reasons. Thanks and keep up the great work!

I joined this site maybe a year ago, have read and commented a few times. Aside from being a male spouse seems like my fit is a bit different from a lot of you. First, I'm probably old enough to be most of you guys' dad's, if not way older brother. I sure tip my hat to those of you being active parents, and especially at times active single parents, but that's not part of my life now. Seems like most of you are around base at some level, your wives are active duty, so you have a certain degree of shared similar experiences or at least reference points. We don't live by a base, my wife is in the reserves now, has been since we met-only been together a few years. So my experience is she takes off once or occasionally more a month, plus her active duty every year. None of my friends can relate at all to that so I just weather it on my own, its like living a double life. I guess it is for her too, but she goes to something, with others serving in the same way, so can't really relate. Not sure where I'm going with this one but I am curious if anyone is living a similar situation...

Written 5 years and 8 months ago by steve | new member



Hi Steve,

I can't relate to the experience from a spouse of a Reservist point of view, but can definitely relate to not being near a base and having no one around who understands the lifestyle.  It's really like you live in a completely different world and when you try to talk about it with your friends they just don't get it.

Most people are either related to someone, or at least know someone in the military, but unless you've been attached to it through a spouse (or maybe parent) type relationship then it is very hard to understand what it is really like. 

The closest support I've found has come from people who have either served previously or those who have been married to military members.  At the very least they will understand the things you talk about.  :)

Written 5 years and 8 months ago by SinisterLex | new member

Thanks for the feedback Lex, appreciate it. I've found too that at least others who've been in at least have somewhat of an idea, but I can't say I've ever met any spouses-of; the closest to that is what I've found here online. Don't know why it is but  it does leave me feeling a bit empty and disconnected knowing I'm not "part of the club [military]," even though there's other areas of her life that I'm not so much a part of that I never have the same reaction to... Talking with some friends the other day about life in general and the observation was made that there's a big difference between acceptance and resignation. Guess I'm still in the middle as far as this one goes.......

Written 5 years and 8 months ago by steve | new member

Wow I can definitely see how it can feel like being outside the club without having been in the military.  This is a VERY unique challenge for man spouses.  Those of us who have been in have a full understanding of the lifestyle and terminology. 

With her being in the Reserves this probably limits the amount of time you spend around the base.  Where is the nearest base for you?  Have you ever been on a military base?

I would definitely suggest visiting a base (any base, post, etc) when you have a chance just to get a feel for it.  Also most of the bases have Facebook pages you can join where they post about the happenings on post and community events & resources you can use.

If you are near a base you should look into activities that can get you involved in the community!  There are a ton of things going on all the time and there are also a ton of opportunities for meeting people just like you who may even be going through the exact same thing.

Written 5 years and 8 months ago by SinisterLex | new member


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